(c) John, Rekesh 2004-2008. No part of this work may be copied or reproduced without the author's permission
6. Sky
Aliyah finds a reflection of the mind and the search for enlightenment, in the atmosphere that surrounds the earth.
Reader advisory: Those who dislike too much of conceptual discussion may wish to skip this chapter.
The days seemed to stretch endlessly, turning slowly into weeks and months. Aliyah struggled through her studies, her assignments and other coursework. Despite all her efforts and attention, a dangerous emotion of abject meaninglessness overpowered her at times. It came particularly during those times when she found herself bored, with nothing to do, and the feeling of desperation that arose in those moments was so intense that it wrought literal soul suffering. She was scared to confront it, afraid that those moments might develop into a burning conflagration that would consume her completely.
The same moments seemed to invade her sleeping hours as well. They came occasionally during early mornings, when she was in a twilight zone of consciousness. The dreams would fade and she would be half asleep, half awake. During such times, she could suddenly move into a nether world of pure consciousness, where nothing existed but herself. She could not feel her body, and there was nothing to see, hear or sense in any way. There was only a focused consciousness, existing somewhere in time, and all alone, in what appeared to be an absolute dark void. These were moments of terror when she came face to face with herself as a being, and she could not focus attention on anything else to escape those deep emotions that lurked within. She felt completely lost and in agony, as her origins and the very meaning of her existence were challenged.
And it had its impact. She had ignored consciousness per se, taken it for granted and had never bothered about what it meant. Now here it was, giving her some moments of literal agony. Emma suggested that it probably resulted from some major trauma in her early life. It could even be associated with her birth, a long and painful labor, she had been told, during which her mother had expired. She toyed with the idea of doing a regression session with a psychiatrist, to identify and relive traumatic events as a cathartic process, but then changed her mind. She was now very curious about consciousness itself, and she sought to understand it better through whatever means she could. And here she had her own backyard to play in. It took courage but she was determined to take a closer look. After all, that might accomplish the cleansing that she needed.
Then by chance, or so it seemed, she was introduced to some eastern meditation techniques through a friend. These techniques dealt with consciousness and the mind, and how meditation could still the mind and reveal deeper states within. She found the concepts fascinating and soon found herself studying them intensely and practicing some of the techniques. She was then introduced to the concept of enlightenment, which was the ultimate goal, it taught, of every human being. It seemed a worthwhile pursuit, for she felt she had nothing to lose.
This then was her goal, as she invested herself whole-heartedly into her spiritual practices. At first, her efforts seemed futile, but soon her meditation and exercises started yielding results, for she went into deeper and deeper silence and introspection. The emotions of loneliness and terror that she felt during her early mornings mellowed considerably and soon disappeared as she slowly came to terms with herself. They were soon replaced by a gentle silence of being that seemed to grow deeper and deeper. And they even started stealing in, not just in the night, but during her waking hours of meditation as well. She could move into such a state of pure consciousness and silence within her being after she had immersed herself for some time in meditation. This helped immensely in her studies, as she renewed herself during these times, being able to focus and apply herself well to whatever she wanted to do.
And she basked in the pond of Basho, and the haikus and koans of various masters. They were the keys to cross the barriers in the layers of the mind. Life, she held, was unknown and unknowable. One could only be like the white clouds floating in the skies, enjoying the mystery of what will always remain mysterious. There was no sense in asking why, for there could be no answers, no ultimate purpose. The questioner, she insisted, disappears with the question in an enlightened consciousness. She had finally found contentment. And enlightenment, she thought, was not far away.
But life always deals with contentment, and oft times quite forcefully. Aliyah found herself losing command of her thoughts and emotions as they started going out of control, focusing more and more elsewhere. Her meditation was thrown into havoc and she started losing grip on herself. Then came an emotion that literally set her afire, threw her senses into disarray, and drove her mad, as she sought to regain her control and composure. She was falling deeply in love.